It’s a special MARRIED MANday today! Johnny Fernandez (Dr Lara’s hubby) breaks it down for us from the MARRIED man perspective. Good stuff!
From your first interaction with a man you’re telling him whether you are just a Fling, or a woman who might one day be his wife, possibly the mother of his children, in other words a Potential Wife.
When a man meets a woman, he is wondering which category to put you in – Fling or Potential Wife. We’re not really that complicated.
Many women have been conditioned by the mass media to believe that “looking sexy” is a way of showing independence. Freedom of expression in all forms IS an important part of independence, however, when you dress for a date, you are sending clear messages about who you are, and which category you fit in (Fling or Potential Wife) loud and clear.
Here are three first/early date ways you put yourself in one category or another (whether you like it or not):
Clothing: Wearing low cut or virtually see-through blouse, and/or a skin tight dress, and those high “fu*# me pumps” tells him loud and clear “I’m a Fling.” Which is fine if that’s what you’re going for. But if you are looking for your husband you want to be beautiful and elegant. Think Michelle Obama, not Madonna.
Location: If you invite him to your place within the first few dates, you are telling him loud and clear “it’s a very real possibility we could sleep together” which puts you squarely in the “Fling” category in his mind.
Sex: If you actually sleep together within the first few dates he thinks “this was pretty easy, she must have done this before…a lot” and you are definitely not in the “Potential Wife” category in his mind. Does that mean you wont have fun? No. Does that mean you can’t have a decent relationship? No. Does that mean that you’ll be stuck with a man who “can’t commit” and you can’t figure out why? Very likely. Because he just can’t move you from your position of “Fling” to “Wife”.
Popular movies suggest this happens all the time. Ryan Gosling’s latest movie (Crazy, Stupid, Love) suggested that, and it’s a joke as far as how real life works. And unfortunately ladies, the joke is on you. Get picked up, f&!% his brains out, and then make him fall in love with you and he’ll stop his player ways because you are so amazing. This is not only a joke, but a sad joke. You ARE amazing, too amazing to fall for that.
If you haven’t updated your wardrobe and your places you hang out to reflect the maturity level you are at, it may be time for an update. If you have bought into the idea that you’ve got to “show some skin” or sleep with them early to get them hot for you, then you can make him fall in love with you, please, take it from me, men don’t operate that way.
A Man of Quality, a mature man, a healthy man, who is open to or actively looking for the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with is looking for “Potential Wife” not just another Fling (he’s had that already…and so have you). See yourself as you want to be seen, and he will see you that way too – if he’s the right one. But if you show him “Fling” clothing, energy, and messages he may even be “ready to marry” … but it won’t be to you.
Want to learn more from real Men of Quality? Scroll up to the top of the page and check out Johnny and Lara’s new FREE 4 part video series where happily married men are interviewed about what attracted them to their sweetheart, and are asked conscious, caring, single men what are they looking for in their Potential Wife.
For your soulmate connection,
Johnny
This one is tough. If you are just a sexy woman who enjoys dressing in a sexy manner, don’t change that. Sexy, not slutty. It goes both ways, my attitude is if you are attracted to the man and have great chemestry, my advise is to get the intimacy part out of the way to insure you still want to date him. This could be the killer, he has to pass that test. At that point, you the woman will see him as a fling or potential long term. I am now a happily married woman, but that is how I function during my dating times. Women must take control of their lives. Don’t be desperate and make that call for yourself.